Redefining Ladylike – in the Workplace

We’ve all heard the quote and seen the bumper sticker, “well-behaved women rarely make history.” For the purpose of this conversation let’s tweak it to “well-behaved women rarely make more money.”

It’s an interesting decision-making process one goes through to determine whether or not to weigh in on a controversial subject that the country has been talking about since Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In, was first introduced to us. My initial thought was “I think I can speak to that … but should I?” And yes, I can see the irony in that.

Perhaps that’s my Gen X mentalities overpowering my Gen Y side. After all, I consider myself a “cusper” with traits of both generational groups. And if I had to guess, the workplace will be very different in the coming years as the Millennials – both men and women – are promoted. This new wave was encouraged to reach for the stars, speak up and “ask why.” Truth be told, I think we've (they've) already shaken up the workplace but as of right now it’s only the Gen Xers getting book deals expressing their thoughts on women not speaking up.

Isn't that the whole problem? Women in the workplace are not speaking up and reaching for what’s rightfully theirs? Here I am with a perspective on how to break into the “Boys’ Club” and my natural ladylike teachings try to shush me. We’re all taught to mind our manners but females especially so. But, we shouldn't rely on Cotillion to guide our manners at the business table.

In light of Lean In, I've been waiting for [insert some Fortune 500 company CEO] to stand up and declare that they’re the outlier, and that women at their company are paid equally and adequately for their work. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened yet. Meaning that it’s our time, ladies, to stop always acting demure and reserved at the office and start going after what’s rightfully ours.

I certainly don’t want manners to be eliminated from the workplace, but it is time for women to know it’s OK to step out of your comfort zone and speak up if you think you can bring value to a situation. Over the past few days we've heard statistics like 60% of women have never asked for a raise and less than 20% negotiated their current salary. To me, a single woman, that’s frightening. Waiting for others to naturally notice our hard work and insist on paying us more isn't going to help us get ahead and earn a seat at the table – being strategically assertive will.

I have the fortune of working for a small business that does, in fact, care about what I have to say and gives me a seat at the table and subsequently does offer me a fair pay. All that aside, I still make it a practice to be strategically assertive, know and continue to prove my value, not be bull-dozed and always look for opportunities to benefit the agency because I’m young and may not be at my final professional destination (not a threat, Hodgers).

For those women who need additional tips to raise workplace confidence before entering into your next review, I’d recommend reminding yourself of your subject matter expertise, practicing those hard conversations on others (both males and females), assuring yourself that you deserve the new position and/or increased pay and even looking into some negotiating techniques (they’re out there, and they work). Whether this increase will better arrange for retirement plans, better situate you in your current place in life or allow you take the trip you dream about on the way to the office – it’s about confidence and you have to believe that you deserve more.

We’ve had countless examples of women who have changed the world and yet we’re still fighting for workplace equality for women in 2013 – fifty years after the Equal Pay for Women Act of 1963.

I guess there’s no better month to re-start this conversation than March during Women’s History Month. Now, honor those women we remember in March by sharing your go-to negotiating tips. Just think, your tip may inspire your fellow females to speak up.